NYC Grieves Loss of Dr. Ruth, Pioneer in Sex Positivity

Generously offering sex therapy even in her final days, Ruth Westheimer, known lovingly as “Dr. Ruth,” died peacefully in her NYC home on July 12. An outpouring of love came in from the City, where Dr. Ruth spent the last 68 years of her life.

Dr. Ruth first became a household name in the 1980s after her radio talk show, “Sexually Speaking,” became an instant sensation in New York. A local presence turned into stardom after the show’s time slot was extended from 15 minutes to an hour, and went on to national syndication.

Her frank yet humorous approach launched a successful career in an unlikely field—a form of acceptance she never thought possible, after a life of ostracization and loneliness as an orphan of the Holocaust. She passed away at 96 years old, and the City remembers her for her love of life, lust and humor.

Born Karola Ruth Siegel in 1928, Ruth was a curious child who first took an interest in sexuality after stealing books out of her father’s library. She came from an affluent Orthodox Jewish family and spent her first years in their home in Frankfurt, Germany. But in 1933, the Nazi regime cut her childhood short, and her father was taken captive by the SS just days after Kristallnacht.

The Siegels fled Germany, and in 1939, Ruth was sent to a girls’ orphanage that took in young Jewish refugees. She never saw her family again, and knew they were likely killed at concentration camps.

Although she never got a high school education, Ruth kept her mind running as a teen, reading all that was available in the orphanage. The other girls treated her like an outcast, for she was fascinated with then-taboo subjects, like menstruation.

“Dr. Ruth was extraordinary in her ability to transcend the pain she endured in her childhood,” said Annette Insdorf, a Columbia University professor and Ruth’s longtime friend. “Instead of dwelling on trauma, she turned her life into a continually meaningful engagement, enhancing the experience of those close to her as well as the public at large.”

In Ruth’s early adulthood, she traveled from Israel to France before landing in NYC after receiving a scholarship to attend The New School. She became an American citizen in 1964, working as a housemaid and research assistant at Columbia to support her daughter.

She married true love Fred Westheimer, and the two had a son. In the late 1960s, Ruth started working at Planned Parenthood in Harlem. Her deep interest in sex somewhat alarmed her, but she was eventually promoted to project director. While at Planned Parenthood, she began night classes in sex counseling at Columbia. She officially became Dr. Ruth in 1970, earning her doctorate in education.

She landed a job teaching sex counseling at Lehman College, but her controversial perspective got her fired from Brooklyn College—and she felt like an outcast once more.

It wasn’t until 1980, when a lecture of hers caught the attention of local radio broadcasters, that “Sexually Speaking” hit the WYNY airwaves. The show hit the #1 spot in the New York market, and she became a local celebrity.

Susan Engel, who worked at the 92nd Street Y, first heard Dr. Ruth’s name on the radio. She invited her to join an event at the community center, which was hosting weekly socials for singles in the area.

“I had just started a lecture series for singles on Sunday evenings, and I thought she was someone singles would want to listen to,” Engel said. “She became a good friend of the Y and a good friend of mine...She’s the kind of person where everyone thinks she’s your good friend.”

An overnight success, Dr. Ruth became a household name—known for her comedic approach to no-holds-barred sex advice, from none other than a woman in her 50s.

“I saw her relishing her public persona—delighted at being recognized, thanked and celebrated,” Insdorf said. “She treated everyone respectfully and affectionately, never giving the impression they were intruding on her privacy.”

Known widely to be a New York icon, Dr. Ruth was named the state’s first-ever ambassador to loneliness in 2023, where she worked to spotlight the mental health crisis impacting seniors.

“She was brave, funny, candid and brilliant,” Gov. Kathy Hochul wrote on X. “May her memory be a blessing.”

Engel said “there was never a space between her” and others, and the honor from Hochul personified her career perfectly.

“Everybody knew her and felt comfortable with her, whether it was the maintenance man or the head of state,” she said. “Even though she was the shortest in the room, she had the biggest personality.”

In her decades-spanning career, Ruth published over 40 books, including one to be released posthumously in September. Two plays about her life garnered cult audiences off-Broadway, and the award-winning documentary, “Ask Dr. Ruth,” was released on Hulu in 2019, making a place for her perspective in the young mainstream.

“She remains a feisty, German-accented, 4’7” powerhouse, still fighting the good fight for understanding human sexuality,” Insdorf said.

Dr. Ruth’s last contribution, “The Joy of Connections,” will be released on September 3.